ClamTones I first met Jeffrey in the winter of '73-'74.Snock,Bill Wind and I had taken the train from Vancouver B.C.to Montreal Que.and we had gigs in Vermont,etc.We were playing at a place in St Albans called the Governor Smith-a FANCY restaurant upstairs-White linen tablecloths,polished silver,etc.and a bar in the basement.Snock had been telling me about this guy,Jeffrey Frederick for months.We had been playing"Rotten Lettuce" and"Juanita"in Oregon.So Jeff shows up and asks to sit in-OK-.He opens up a leather case and pulls out his porcelain bedpan and sang scat falsetto solos thru the urinal neck.The next night Doug and I got there on time and set up.No Hurley. We wait for almost an hour and we were ready to call it off when Jeff and Snock come rolling in.They had been to a party at a Dentist's house and drank lots of the punch that had been spiked with Xylocaine.They were thoroughly numb and quite useless.Captain Garbage showed up and the three of them were entertaining anyway.The evening ended with Jeffrey jumping on the restaurant porch railing to piss his name in the fresh snow.Garbage jumps up next to him to do the same and they decide to try to piss their names using each other's dick.They laughed too hard and fell off into two feet of snow. Vassar Clemens Band at Euphoria This actually starts years earlier.In '72,when the Rounders landed in Portland, we were scrambling for gigs.At that time it was illegal for anyone to play music in an esablishment that served alcohol unless that place had a Hard Liquor license and at least 30% of their gross reciepts came from the sale of food.. Jeffrey Goes to Heaven After Jeff got hit in the haid,he was in the hospital for 5-6 months. It was the first time in maybe 20 yrs.that he had been sober.After he got out I took him out to the supermarket in Carson.I asked him what had happened,what it felt like.He said it was dark for awhile,then he saw a light,far,far away.He went toward the light and he was in this dark tunnel moving fast toward the light.He went faster and faster and the light got slowly bigger and bigger.He gets to the end and he goes flying into the light and lands on his back.He looks up and all he can see is bright white light but gradually his eyes adjust and he sees the silhouettes of people standing around.Then he sees that they are all dressed in tuxedos and evening gowns---and they are all holding cocktail glasses--A Cocktail Party!!!They are all looking down at him in shock and disgust.He's trying to get up and this short,bald man walks up.He's wearing a tux with long tails and holding a tray of martinis.With his other hand he reaches down,grabs Jeff by the collar and sez---"Sir,You are going to have to leave!!"Everything fades back into the white light and then he sees silouhettes(?)bending over him."My GOD!!!HE,S ALIVE!!!!NURSE!!!"and he,s on the table in the emergency room. JEFF sez-- The dfference between Country Music and Rock'N Roll-- Country Music is six guys and all their equipment in a 20 year old station wagon driving 200 miles to a 75 dollar gig.-- Rock'N Roll is what you do when you get there, In Vermont, In the late 60'sJeff had a neighbor; Davis Coyer. They were good buddies and would just walk right into each other's house for any reason. One snowy day, Jeff walks over to bum a beer, hears loud Rock 'n Roll and peeks thru the crack in the curtains. Davis is dancing around the living room, stark naked. He's got all his foldouts spread out on the floor and holding a vibrator on his hardon. Jeff figures it's not a good time to stop by. Another time he walks in looking for Davis and hears splashing in the bathroom. The door is slightly open and he peeks in. Davis is lying in the bathtub with the head of his hardon sticking up above the water.He's got several flies with one wing pulled off buzzing around on it. He figured it was not a good time to disturb him. Jeff died on St Patrick's Day. In his trailer with an empty half gallon of R&R Canadian on the floor next to him. Colorful Characters Harry Hubcaps-Moonie Baby Moon-Morgan Jack the Fluke Wavy Gravy Aunt Ellen J.R. Captain Garbage The Captain was a fisherman, had his own boat, sailed out from No. Cal. He would sail out to the edge of the international waters and wait for the salmon. He don't want too much-- just enough to pay the diesel and maybe some groceries. He clicks on the sonar(rare in those days--late 60's-early 70's) and after awhile he spots what appears to be a school of salmon heading inland to spawn. He's about to set his nets when he sees, on the sonar, a "curtain" descend and a few minutes later pull back up---no more fish!--- "What the Fuck!!!---he's enraged. He fires up the motor and speeds out into international waters where, several miles away he finds a Russian Trawler processing tons of U.S. salmon. Bucko Fucko Edge Nevada We first played in Carson City in '74 , I think. Teddy booked a gig at Carson Hot Springs. It was on Hot Springs Road by the Airport. It's a natural hot spring-- Big swimming pool, nice and warm- private HOT tubs and a big dancehall / bar. Aunt Ellen came down from the Comstock and brought along her pal Lonesome Wayne. Wayne was skeptical at first but Jeffrey won him over. By the end of our set, Jeff was laying on his back, playing guitar, holding his mike stand upside down with his feet and trying to sing into the mike as it swung around. "Impressive!" sez Wayne. After the show we drove up to Silver City and parked the bus in Ellen's driveway and partied till dawn at the Tahoe Beer House next door. The next morning I'm drinkin coffee and whiskey starin' out the windshield at the town. Down the road comes these two characters with a six pak and a bottle of Lacy's. They knock on the door. "Hi ! I'm Kustom Kenny and this here's Duarte. We saw yer bus and figured we'd come down and talk to ya. Hell, I'm sick of talking to this asshole." After '77, when we would get back from a tour, everybody would settle back into Portland and sometimes we wouldn't play for awhile. I would get sick of living on the street so I would drive the bus down to the Comstock. Jeff liked to hang there too. I would park out in the desert or around town in Dayton or Silver City for a few weeks or months until the band started gigging again. Every day at the End of the Trail there's the same crew.Retired guys keeping their business hours-Approx 9-5--Every Day Ray,Johnny Gunn,Tim the Irritator(before he retired he was Tim the Irrigator),Swiss Bill,etc.They claimed their own barstools at the corner of the bar by the front door. I was in the End of the Trail one Thursday afternoon and Jeffrey and Tex came in. They were on the hunt for the Big Drunk.They invited me along but I declined.So they roared off to Carson and I didn't think about it anymore.Sunday morning I'm back in the bar drinkin' a Bloody Mary and here comes Jeff and Tex. They hadn't slept at all and they were screaming drunk--Success!!I ask Jeff where they'd been and he sez Carson,Reno,a couple of whorehouses"Just to drink and bullshit"and asks if I want a drink.He pulls out a roll of bills 3 in. wide--not one of them was under a$20-- I ask: "Where'd you get that?" "Playin' Pool!" "No way!"I sez."Both of you are WAY too drunk!" He shakes his finger at me,looks me in the eye and sez: "Ah Ha HA!!"Watch This!!" He elbows Tex and points down the bar.There's two Yuppie couples from Carson,just out of church,waiting for a table in the restaurant(Reservations only on Sundays.)Tex staggers over to them and ask the guys: "Wanna play some pool?" "No thanks,We're just waiting for a table." "How 'bout a game for $20?"He peels a 20 off his roll and slaps it on the table.The guys look at their wives and say:"No Thanks!" Tex peels another $20 and slaps it down: "How about $40??" They look at each other and decline. "Well,How about $100??"and he slaps it down. The guys walk over to the bar(Away from their wives)and I could hear them talking: "These guys are totally drunk.It's like taking free money!" So they dig in their pockets and ante up $100.So Jeff has easy shots all over the table but he sez: "I bet ya $10 I make that long bank." They smile and put down $10 . "Jeff nails it.They're not smiling anymore.Jeff's making the long shots and Tex is making the bank shots.They're down to the 8 ball when their table's ready.Tex sez: "OK.I'll bet you $40.Cue ball off two rails,8 ball inthe corner pocket.If I don't make it you win it all." Their wives are pissed,their dinner table is ready,Tex is drunk. "No way!!Your'e on!"They plunk down $40. Bingo,bango,bongo,8 ball in the corner.I bet they had a wonderful Sunday dinner.Jeff throws a $20 bill at me:"Drinks are on me!"Two days later he's broke again. Another time Jeff had been on a 2 day drunk.He had charmed this chicken into sitting on his shoulder.By Sunday morning the chicken had been sitting there for 8 hours or so --The gang goes to the End of the Trail for Sunday Brunch-- The restaurant is packed with the after church crowd from Carson-- -Vida comes to the table and sez--"Jeff,,, you cant have that chicken in here!!"--So Jeff takes the chicken off his shoulder,sticks it's head in his mouth and bites it off.The headless chicken goes flyin',floppin'and flappin' thru the restaurant,squirtin' blood all over the sunday suits and dresses.Vida was NOT happy.Jeff was kicked out for a few days. He had to sincerely apologize. We were in the Golden Gate one night-- all night-- Me, Jeff , Wayne, Duarte, a few other drunks and two shitfaced cowboys who are shoving each other and yelling;"Lyon County is better!!" "Fuck you!! Storey County is way better!!" Etc. The bartender is tired and bored and there's not enough money coming in to make it worthwhile to stand there and listen to this shit. Around 4:00 AM he announces that he's closing up and going home. Everybody starts yellng::No Way! It's still early!!" "We aint drunk yet!!" One cowboy shoves the other;"Lyon County!!" The other shoves back:"Lyon County Sucks!! Storey County!!" The bartender puts a case of Budweiser and a fifth of Lacey's bourbon on the bar-- "Take this and go sit in the middle of the road. I'm goin' home." So we put the case of Bud on the white line in the middle of Highway 17 and stand around drinkin' whiskey. There's not much traffic that time of night and when a car would come they would stop, flash their lights or honk the horn but we would make them drive around us on the shoulder. After awhile Jeff feels a good one comin' on and announces:"Gentlemen! I propose a Vomiting Contest!" ---"Huh??" "Hows that work??" One cowboy punches the other-"Storey County eats Shit!!"----"It's simple, boys. You take a big slug of whiskey, stand on the white line and see how far you can vomit." He stands on the white line, takes a big gulp of whiskey and shoots a perfect rainbow arc about 5 feet. "That's how it's done!" he sez. "Who's next?" One of the drunks steps up to the line, takes a big swig and dribbles one maybe 10 inches. The cowboys are rolling around in the road, punching each other, screaming "Lyon County !!" "Fuck Lyon County!! Storey County's the best!!" Duarte sez "Hey! Give me that bottle!!" He grabs it, steps up to the line and drinks half of whats left of the whiskey. He hands the bottle to Wayne: "Fuck this contest. You assholes are pukin' good whiskey all over the road!! I just wanted some before it's all gone!" About this time a cop car pulls up. turns on the blue lights and taps the siren to get our attention. He gets out--"What's going on here, boys??" ---"Go around, you asshole!"-- "The bartender told us to stand here!"---"Lyon County's the best!"---He looks at us, the vomit, the cowboys wrasslin and sez "Look. It's getting light out. Traffic is going to start picking up. Why don't you boys move it over onto the shoulder. And pick up these cans." He goes over and starts kicking the cowboys. "Lyon County!!" "Fuck You!! Storey County!!!" We go on the front porch to wait for the morning bartender. So Charley Wade comes into the End of the Trail seeking solace and respite from his marital situation.Kustom Kenny is tending bar.Charlie leans over the bar and sez- 'You know what,Kustom?" "No,I don't,Charlie,What?" "The Mouth bone is connected to the Cunt bone!" "Well, I never heard it put quite like that before,but I suppose your'e right!" Nevada Day is a big day in Nevada-Oct. 31st-Everybody gets into it.Ranchers, Cowboys,State workers,Gamblers,Drunks.There's a big parade down the main street of Carson City,the state capitol.The Comstock is right over the county line and Nevada Day starts the day before and ends whenever.After the parade one year,Wayne got thrown in the Carson City Jail.Drunk and Disorderly.He was sitting there and the cops drag in Ronald McDonald and throw him in Wayne's cell. "Ronald,!! No!!! Say it isn't so!!!" cries Wayne. It was not a happy Ronald McD that day.He was charged with Hit and Run,DUII, attempting to evade and assaulting a police officer. Another Day we was sittin' in the End of the Trail and this dude walks in-- New cowboy hat and boots--Nice suit--Everybody stops and stares--- "Hi folks! I'm running for Sheriff of Lyon County. I'd like to talk with you folks.Maybe we could go out back and I can introduce myself to you." Everybody stares. "I'll buy y'all some soft drinks." Everybody stares. "OK, I'll buy y'all some beers." Everybody grumbles, orders up and shuffles out into the back yard. He starts yakkin' about Law, Order,Justice, Community,etc. But you have to realize that he's running against Rocky Adamson--Not only the best Sheriff that Lyon County ever had, but a Great American.---As long as this fool is talking, the beer's free. So everybody sits and smirks. Just then Jeff and Tex roll in on a 3 day drunk.-- "HEY!!! Where'd Everybody go??" "Aw, They're out back." sez the bartender --"Free beer." So Tex marches out and right up to the guy, stops him in mid-sentence and sez; "Hey!! I hear you're running for Sheriff!!" "Yes, Sir, I am. How can I help you?" Tex unzips his pants, whips out his pecker, cradles it in his hand and sez; "Well, Kiss my Baby!" Everybody cracks up. I run back into the bar to get one more beer. Just in time.He comes back in all red in the face. Pays the bar tab.--We never see him again.